I have an apology to make...............

It’s something that has been playing on my mind for many years, it has been festering away in my memory and now it’s time to confess and ask for forgiveness. But before I do, I need to paint the scene for you.

It happened one Christmas many years ago, this was a time when The Great escape was still a novelty film, and The Poseidon Adventure was a blockbuster, when Eric was playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order, and BBC newsreaders were flashing their legs for the first time. This was a time when Shops actually closed over Christmas, when the sales started AFTER Boxing Day, even in DFS, and when the Christmas holiday, really was a holiday. Factories and Offices, warehouses and shops allowed their employees time to relax and enjoy Christmas, and there was plenty of time to have a jar or two without having to worry about work the next day.

Imagine if you will, a Christmas Eve, sometime around lunch. I was a fire fighter at the time, and did agency driving to make my wages up. I was off duty on this day. And the agency had told me it was quiet, but they would call if I was needed. Sure enough, just as I sat down with my lunch, the phone rang. “Would I help them out with a quick job? Double time if I could get to Didcot within the hour, one hit Luton, and finish” now I’ve heard this sort of offer before from the agency, so I got him to repeat the offer to my wife so that I would have a witness when it turned out to be a 15 hour shift at single time. I did a quick bit of mental arithmetic, and worked out I could do the job in just over 4 hours, so I took a chance.

I made my way to Didcot, and reported to the transport office of a large Cash & carry warehouse, one that used to have bright orange Lorries. The TM was waiting there with the keys and paperwork, as I had worked there quite regularly, I didn’t need a map. He told me that the store would be waiting for me, as they could go home after I was tipped, to drop the trailer on any free bay and refuel when I got back, then hand keys etc. to the security. Before I had got out of the office, he was in his car and with tyres screaming, was out of the car park on his way home. I coupled up the trailer, and, as this was pre mobile phone days, and I was carrying high value goods, I went to the security hurt to call the transport hub to let them know I was on my way.

I arrived in Luton about 75 minutes later, and before I had the handbrake on, 2 forklift drivers were already opening the sides, and starting to unload. 15 minutes later, I’m on my way back to Didcot. Now as I was leaving the house, my wife reminded me that we still needed a “few bits and pieces” from the shop. Any married man will know that a “few bits and pieces” soon turns into a loaded trolley, so I was quite happy to offer to get them on the way home, that way I had control of the purse strings.

In those days, the shops closed early on Christmas eve, but having driven for Tesco, I knew there was room outside one of the Aylesbury stores, for me to park the truck, and run in for a “few bits and pieces” Another thing that used to happen in the days when I still had a little hair, was that the shops would reduce any fresh food that might be out of date by the time the shop opened again after Christmas. So, after getting what was on my list, I made my way to the deli counter, and bought up a nice selection of cheap fresh food, including some fresh smoked salmon, a pair of kippers, a selection of cheeses, including vintage mature cheddar, some Jarlsberg, stilton, and a nice ripe camembert. One of my favourite cooked meats was salami, and a nice strong garlic sausage, so I purchased about half a pound of each, sliced and ready for my sandwiches. By the time I had finished, I had about 4 or 5 carrier bags full, which I placed behind me on the bunk.

I arrived back at Didcot, told the security guard that I was putting my shopping in my car, before refuelling the unit and putting the trailer on a bay. Pleased with myself for a job well done, double time of 8 hours for less than 5 hours work, and some real bargains from the shops, I made my way home. I unloaded the car, and left my wife to put the shopping away, while I went to shower and change as we were going out that evening. We had a pleasant evening with some friends, I had a few drinks, as the wife was driving, and we got home quite late. We put the kids to bed, they were tired but as kids do at Christmas, they were fighting sleep; fortunately they fell asleep in the car on the way home. Afterwards I felt a bit peckish. Now I know the old saying about eating cheese before bedtime giving you nightmares, but I was hungry. Opening the fridge, there was a marked absence of cheese, fish or garlic sausage. I called the wife and asked her what she had done with it; she told me she had not seen any fish etc. It wasn’t in the car, so there was only one place it could possibly be.

Now perhaps I should just point out that this particular Christmas was one of the mildest we had had for some years, with even night time temperatures staying in double figures. So this is where the apology comes in, to the poor driver, who having enjoyed a well-deserved break over Christmas, who opened the door of the unit that had held my kippers, salmon, cheese and salami for over a week, my sincere apology for all the trauma and suffering I may have caused you having to sit in the truck for your next shift, in the middle of winter with the windows wide open while purchasing a dozen magic tree air fresheners to try and hide the smell of rotten fish!