New Car

We had been talking about it for some time, but there was a lot to take into account, not least of all the financial aspect, but eventually we both agreed that we needed to move on, it was no good sitting in the same place for ever.

We looked around the neighbourhood to see what was available. My eyes caught the little red 2 seater convertible, with the chrome roll bars and electronic roof, while my wife favoured the large Chelsea tractor with air con and auto box, however common sense prevailed, and we agreed on the medium 5 door hatchback.

One careful owner from new, it had been lovingly tended, the black paint shone from numerous coats of wax, the interior was spotless, and the bodywork was immaculate. It had alloy wheels and enough chrome to say that this was no base model; this was someone who went a little bit further for a touch of comfort. Being only 2 years old, it had another year before the MOT was needed, and was taxed for 10 months. The previous owner had got fed up with driving and decided he needed to exercise more, hence the sale.

We were a little worried about what to do with our old car, fortunately for us, one of our neighbours had a daughter who was just seventeen, and decided it was the ideal car for her to learn to drive in

After a bit of haggling. We agreed on a fair price for both our new vehicle, and the sale of our old car. Then it was out with the laptop and on to the internet. Ten minutes later we had negotiated a loan from our bank, and had arranged for the transfer of the cash. Another ten minutes and we had the insurance set up; all we needed now was the keys.

It’s surprising the amount of detritus that you collect in your car. We cleared out everything that we wanted to keep from the old car, and transferred it to the new car. Now I can’t remember for the life of me, ever touching the spark plugs in the old car, but there, at the bottom of the spare wheel well, was a plug spanner and a set of feeler gauges, funny how these things turn up.

Finally we were all set. We climbed into our new car, smelled the fresh smell of leather from the seats, heard the gentle tones of the 6 speaker stereo, and as I turned the key for the first time, and we listened to the reassuring purr coming from the engine, we looked at each other and smiled, finally, after what seemed like an age, by buying the car next to us, we had managed to change lanes on the M 25!........

Medical opinions needed!

Now I need to ask your opinion on a medical matter. It doesn’t matter that you are not doctors because it is something that I am sure you have all wondered over at some time.
Before I ask the question, I need to put a little bit of background into your minds so that you can understand where I’m coming from.
A few years ago, I was travelling extensively in Eastern Europe as a recruitment consultant for drivers. At this particular time, I was in Tallinn, Estonia for a couple of weeks, a lovely place if you want to surprise your wife, or girlfriend, with a romantic weekend away. At the end of the first week, I was looking forward to exploring the city over the weekend, Tomas, my contact in Estonia, kindly offered to show me the sights, starting on the Friday evening.
It started in a very civilised manner. It was the middle of summer, and the temperatures had been in the low 30C’s all week, so we started out at one of the many cafes in the old town square, sitting on the terrace, watching some beautiful women walking past, and drinking the odd beer or two.
After that, we moved on to a very nice Russian restaurant in the town centre, where again we were lucky to get a table outside on the terrace from where we could watch as the local young ladies strolled around the town in the evening sun. Traditionally, you start a Russian meal with zarkustka, a platter of various cold meats and pickles, washed down with the odd neat vodka or three, follow this with a plate full of Borsch, or beetroot soup served with soured cream, a main dish of wild rice with chicken in plum sauce, accompanied by a bottle or two of red wine, and followed by a dessert containing copious amounts of chocolate and cream, followed by coffee and more vodka.
By the end of the meal I was beginning to feel, shall we say, merry, but much more was to come. Tomas suggested we get out of the tourist area and visit his local bar, where, in the cellar, they had a karaoke, and dance floor which was popular with the local talent, not wishing to offend my host, and feeling proud to be cementing relationships between two EU member states, I agreed. The landlord was the perfect “mein host” and helped us to consume vast quantities of the local lager while Tomas spent his time fighting off the women.
I should mention the Tomas was a bit of a lad, and was constantly introducing me to various young blonde, and beautiful women who he “knew from school” or “used to work with her dad”, many of these young ladies were keen to practise their English with me, and I of course was happy to oblige.
I have got a voice similar to the fog horn on a cross channel ferry, but after a few drinks, I’m willing to have a go at karaoke, only this night it was all in Estonian or Russian. My Russian was not exactly fluent at that time, as I needed to not only translate the words in my mind into English, but also had to phonetically sound out each Cyrillic letter first, so I’m sure you can imagine how my version of Pretty Woman, in Russian, had Roy Orbison rotating at great speed in his grave.
It was about that time, and no I haven’t forgotten about the medical opinion yet, just stay with me on this, that the landlord produced his locally produced 100% vodka from under the counter. Boy did that have a kick! Like being on the end of a bobby Charlton special! Tomas and I felt that it was our duty to help the landlord finish the bottle, as there is something sad about a half-finished bottle of vodka.
By now, my brain was beginning to have arguments with various parts of my body, or so it seemed, as various limbs refused to do exactly what it was telling them to do, and seemed to develop a brain of their own.
So it was only proper that I suggest we move on, and visit Walthamstow. Now I will tell you, Walthamstow is not the name, by coincidence, of a suburb of Tallinn, nor was I suggesting we catch the next easy jet to Luton, no, Walthamstow was the name I had given to the discothèque in the basement of my hotel. Why Walthamstow? Quite simply because I had watched men dragging dogs in there all week.
And so it was we arrived in the disco. On Friday nights it appeared to be ladies night, because there was a plethora of young, single attractive women gathered around the dance floor, holding a bottle of pils and just waiting for me, or so it seemed. By now, my brain had given up trying to communicate with any other part of my body, because it seemed that they simply refused to listen.
Stay with me on this, I’m getting to the point very soon
It was here that I met her, Aphrodite and Venus all rolled into one. Helen of troy, miss world, she was everything, long blonde hair, long neck, an hour glass figure to die for, and the face of a perfect angel. We danced, talked, danced some more, then………..well I’ll leave the rest of the night to your imagination as this is a family site, and move on to the morning. I have to admit, my imagination is all I have of what happened, because, for the life of me, I can’t remember.
Can anyone tell me at precisely what time of the night does the changeover happen? No this is not the medical question, just something I’ve always wondered. How is it that you go to bed with the goddess of love, a vision of perfection, only to wake up next morning in bed with the love child of Nora Batty and Jabba the hut? At what time does miss world leave the room and miss nightmare on elm street walk in?
This particular morning, as I began to gain consciousness, I managed to unstick my eyelids that had somehow got themselves super glued together during the night, and caught a glimpse of the vision that was lying next to me. A faint “oh my god” passed through my mind, and my head tried to impersonate a turtle, by trying to sink down between my shoulder blades. Afraid that I was about to say good bye to last night’s supper, I managed to crawl into the bathroom, looking in the mirror, my eyes were redder than Josef Stalin, my mouth had that dryness that, no matter how much you move your tongue around, you just can’t get any moisture there, it tasted like I had eaten a tray of used cat litter, and washed it down with budgie grit!
Now I am almost getting to the point! Due to a childhood love of all things sweet, and an adult hatred for all things dental, I had two false teeth; these were neatly joined together on a small plate that fitted snugly into my upper gum. Wonderful job my dentist did, honestly, you wouldn’t know just from looking, and just to avoid any possibility of the falling out during a Buckingham palace dinner, I kept them in place with the old dental fixative.
And so it was, I decided that morning, that the only way I was going to get moisture to my mouth, was by brushing my teeth. Removing the plate with my two teeth on, I brushed religiously, just as the dentist told me to, cleaned my two falsies, and used copious amounts of mouth wash.
I should point out about now, that false teeth were not the only medical condition I had at the time. It’s something that happens quite a lot after flying, you eat the dehydrated food on the plane, the pressurisation in the cabin dehydrates you more, and for the next few days you find it hard to “go” if you take my meaning. As a result, after much straining, I was suffering from a dose of the farmer Giles, or as Johnny Cash so eloquently put it, I had “a burning ring of fire”
Being the kind of guy that is always ready for an emergency, I happened to have a tube of haemorrhoid cream in my toilet bag, this was also where I kept my tube of polygrip, so, after rinsing my mouth out with huge amounts of water and mouthwash, I squeezed a line of what I thought was polygrip onto my top plate, and was about to insert it into my mouth, when my eye caught of glimpse of the tube that I had just used, yes, you’ve guessed it, I had put Haemorrhoid cream on my dentures.
Now, and here finally is the question that I would like your opinion on, I will finally come to the point of all this, in your opinion, what would be worse. Putting haemorrhoid cream in your mouth, or putting a large dollop of polygrip on your piles?

The Driver Periodic DCPC

The Driver Periodic DCPC, you will have read all the adverts, and have heard all the rumours about it, so this is the right time to ask. Will Professional Drivers in the UK Unite? We are now approaching the deadline of September 2014 for the Driver Periodic CPC and it is becoming more apparent the injustice and travesty of this ill thought out European Directive being implemented by the UK Government. This EU Directive left each member state to decide how the “35 hours training every five years” was to be introduced, and as always with the UK Government their first consideration was how can we make jobs for our friends and make some money. Consequently we had the creation of a new "quango" JAUPT.  This had the desired effect of creating jobs for the boys and money for the DSA.  We now have a situation where every driver “MUST” undergo 35 hours training every 5 years to be able to continue to earn a living, there has been no consideration as to his experience or qualifications, or what training is required as per individuals.  Attendance is the only criteria, you can fall asleep while attending, take the same course 5 times, learn nothing and yet still become DCPC Qualified, a worthless and unrecognised qualification with no benefit to our profession or Industry. VOSA ,The Police and other Authorities can issue on the spot fines and yet only a small minority at checks receive them, because the majority of Drivers are already professional in their approach and yet we are all being treated the same with absolutely no respect as professionals yet again. Owner Drivers and others with National CPC Qualifications, and other highly qualiifed LGV/PSV drivers will still need the extra 35 hours training with absolutely no regard to the training they have already undertaken. It can now be seen in clear evidence that not all trainers are fully qualified or suitable to give instruction, some cutting corners, giving out wrong information, making money at driver’s expense without any consideration but the profit margin.  Trainers are only to be audited and checked once in a five year period if at all, there are no checks on the content of the course or whether the instructor is fully qualified.  Most simply pays their money and receive Jaupt permission to become a "trainer".  I will add there are some very good and reputable trainers that are also going to be damaged by these under qualified amateurs as in time they present a poor image of training. We do thankfully have some Companies that have taken this on board (as is their responsibility) and are providing the correct training for their drivers, but these are very few and far between, and even some of the big names are then making their own drivers pay for the training. Agency drivers, owner drivers, part timers, small business operators will all be picking up the added cost of training themselves. Anyone reading this article will possibly agree that no amount of poorly thought out training is going to alter the actions of the idiots and the bad apple drivers in our profession but we have all been tarred with the same brush in needing this DCPC.  The professionals that have been driving 20/30/40  years without a blemish to their character or licence must now undergo training to be instructed on something they have known and been doing all their driving career, no amount of classroom study can prepare us for such a wide and varied profession. Is this DCPC an injustice to treat us all the same, to make us all pay for the training whether it is required or not. Truckersworld is a peaceful communication tool between driver and other parties and I have always maintained that talking through a problem and offering proposals and solutions can be the best way forward in gaining results.  With this in mind we have had meetings with Government Ministers and representation from the DSA and also contacted other voices that represent the numbers in our industry and yet we continue to hit a brick wall and a deaf ear to the problems this current  DCPC is going to bring in 2014. We remain the lone voice in opposition to this new legislation which will cost drivers and the industry £millions every year. Not just for 5 years, but for the next 20, 50 or 100 with no benefit in the long term to our industry.  Within our industry the majority of driver's are professional in their approach, observe and obey all the regulations thrown at them, drive to a safe standard and portray an image of a professional driver. Unfortunately there is a small minority that cannot keep up this standard and have no regard for the regulations and it is those this directive is aimed at. Unfortunately due to an OTT approach by Brussels it was decided that all driver's needed training. Something that has become very apparent in our attempts to be heard and asking for a "review" and further consultation is that although this is going to cost everyone involved in our industry.  Those that should be representing them in opposition are also providing training and making profit which could be the reason why they remain quiet and saying little, Truckersworld also requested to be included into the consultation committee on the DSA/Jaupt Panel but were declined by them, maybe because all other parties on the panel are looking at making monetary gain from this DCPC and offer no opposition to it. With 100s of signatures from drivers who have signed our petition forms and many that will refuse the training and hang up their keys in 2014, plus the 1000s that are nearing retirement or see little point in paying out for a short period of time, then those that at present drive part time will all consider the cost and no benefit for just a few days work.  The numbers will build up into 10,000s of highly qualified and experienced drivers that in 2014 this Industry and Country could lose, the ones that pass on their wealth of experience in helping the newer drivers or assisting with advice, and keep this economy on the move without accident or incident.  Companies will then be forced into accepting foreign drivers that might get their DCPC by far easier means than that in the UK. Peaceful Protest. With all the problems, the evidence, the cost, the poorly consulted criteria, the insult to professionals and lack of ensuring suitable training,  Truckersworld considers as no one is willing to listen our only course of action now is to try and make our Government see the consequences of not acting before the deadline of 2014, gain much needed publicity from the media and possible public and driver support by organising a peaceful protest and walk to Downing Street,  by we hope 1000s of drivers that can see the injustice of this current format in that of the DCPC Each and every driver will file through and hand in a set of keys to demonstrate how many experienced drivers this Country could lose, many more will come in support who are having to foot the bill for training.  Remember that your Company might well be paying this year and next but will this continue as the cost spiral out of control, or you change employment where the Company do not pay for it.  Maybe £50 this year but in 10 years it could be £100 and what new instruction can you receive after attending 5/10 classroom courses. I would like to thank the editors that have printed this in offering all the drivers in the UK an opportunity to read it, many that may not frequent forums or the internet to know just how badly this might have a direct effect on them, we are very aware that there are still many drivers that do not understand this DCPC.  Also to point out to those reading that we are not against proper training to make our roads safer and the standard of driving better.  We are opposed to the current implementation of this DCPC format. All I am asking at this present time is how many “drivers” would offer their support and join many others in London on this day of protest, a chance to show a unity in strength of numbers for a reason that is an injustice and travesty on your futures.  You can contact me by various means below this letter. If I consider enough support can be established then I will go ahead and arrange a well organised professional and peaceful protest.  Once the details and format have been confirmed I will inform you of dates and planning.  This will be planned for early to mid 2012 to give plenty of notice, maybe you can book a day’s holiday, even the possibility that some Companies who are paying for their drivers might see the benefit in allowing some of their driver’s time to attend as it may be an added cost on an already struggling Industry. Please read this carefully, consider your future, think what may happen once fully accepted in 2014, with cost rising and Government bringing in more modules (they have already tried  “cyclist awareness module” as a must have).  We as driver's have in principle just accepted all that has been thrown at us over the years, the WTD, RTD, Tacho, POA to name a few and if we continue to just accept without any protest what is to be next on the agenda. United we can achieve something, divided we will continue to be treated with no respect for the professional job we do every day. Contact Barrie Tozer or join in our discussions on the forum (It is free) http://forum.truckersworld.co.uk Email;-  truckersworlduk@aol.com

You can hope and pray this DCPC will go away, sit on the fence and do nothing, accept it without protest, pay for unacceptable training.  or Join us to try and bring about change, the choice is yours.